So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
