I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
