Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
