Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
