Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
