I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
