Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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