we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
