I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
