so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
