Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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