My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
