Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he puts the penis in happiness.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
