Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
