I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
