I think I am morally bankrupt
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
