Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
