i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
