Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
