I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
