So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
