im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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