if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
