I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
