i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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