She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
