Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
