kristin has been a bad kristin
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
