yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
