our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just pee around me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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