I love black thongs
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
