So drunk its hurt
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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