i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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