If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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