Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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