also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
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