Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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