I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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