He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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