we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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