Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
