i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
