I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
