Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
