I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
