I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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