It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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