Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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