How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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