The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
