so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
