i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
