I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
