i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
